Stage 1: Searching

Two separate people, each inside an open circle. The gap between the arcs is the incompleteness.

? ? Expectations and desires Baggage history, trauma Expectations and desires Baggage history, trauma Two people, each feels incomplete. Both are searching for someone to complete the circle.

Stage 2: Romantic love

The circle closes. The two step toward each other until their hands touch. Baggage stays on the ground.

Relational spiral, just starting Expectations and desires Expectations and desires Baggage Baggage The circle feels complete now and each person feels whole. They are inlove — it can feel intoxicating and exhilarating.

Stage 3A: Spiral challenged

Starts where stage 2 ended. The hearts give way to different wants, then the two pull apart, each holding their own baggage. The spiral has grown but a line blocks its end.

Relational spiral, blocked Expectations and desires Expectations and desires Baggage Baggage After some time, the romantic stage ends as each person discovers theyhave different needs and desires. However, now they are locked together inthe same circle. Power battles begin for who controls the circle.

Stage 3B: One submits

Starts where stage 2 ended. The wants fade, then the two part, and B shrinks their own needs as they go. Once they have parted, some of A's baggage passes to B. B is drawn at half size for this stage only.

Relational spiral, blocked Judgmental of B Expectations and desires List repressed Baggage A B Baggage A's baggage After some time, the romantic stage ends as each person discovers theyhave different needs and desires. One partner submits to keep the peace,taking on some of the other's baggage along with their own. It can beabusive, and it can also work — an equilibrium holds, until at least onedecides to grow.

Stage 3C: Chase and flee

Starts where stage 2 ended. The wants fade, then B bolts with arms up and A chases. A gives up, B drifts back, A brightens and opens their arms, and B lets A come close before bolting again. The second time B runs a full lap the long way round, and the third time B flees the other way, so the pattern repeats with a bigger separation each time.

Relational spiral, blocked A Expectations and desires B Expectations and desires Baggage A Baggage B After some time, the romantic stage ends as each person discovers theyhave different needs and desires. B wants space and freedom; A wantsconnection and togetherness. B runs, and A feels abandoned and chases. IfA gets discouraged and stops, B feels better and moves toward A. Awelcomes B with relief, B gets uncomfortable, and the cycle repeats.

Stage 4: Differentiation (arriving from 3A)

Starts on the final frame of 3A. The single circle pinches in the middle like a dividing cell, the overlap is marked with dotted arcs (the vesica piscis), and the relational spiral grows and reaches equally into both circles. The lists shrink and lose their marks, each person works on their own baggage, and both look content.

Relational spiral, blocked Expectations and desires Less important Expectations and desires Less important Baggage Works on own baggage Baggage Works on own baggage After some time, the romantic stage ends as each person discovers theyhave different needs and desires. However, now they are locked together inthe same circle. Power battles begin for who controls the circle. Each person begins differentiation: “I can be me, and you can be different.” Both become more whole in themselves and learn new skills: communication, self-soothing, confidence, self-esteem and boundaries. The relationship spiral is now open ended and growing. Each person has more capacity to be themselves and also to be in relationship.

Stage 4: Differentiation (arriving from 3B)

Starts on the final frame of 3B. A’s baggage travels back from B to A, and A’s bag grows to its full size. B grows back to full size and both move into their own circles while the single circle pinches in two. The judgmental list and the repressed list lose their marks, and both look content.

Relational spiral, blocked Judgmental of B Less important Expectations and desires Less important List repressed A B Baggage A's baggage Baggage Works on own baggage Works on own baggage After some time, the romantic stage ends as each person discovers theyhave different needs and desires. One partner submits to keep the peace,taking on some of the other's baggage along with their own. It can beabusive, and it can also work — an equilibrium holds, until at least onedecides to grow. Each person begins differentiation: “I can be me, and you can be different.” Both become more whole in themselves and learn new skills: communication, self-soothing, confidence, self-esteem and boundaries. The relationship spiral is now open ended and growing. Each person has more capacity to be themselves and also to be in relationship.

Stage 4: Differentiation (arriving from 3C)

Starts on the final frame of 3C, with A and A’s list on the right and B and B’s list on the left. The two walk back round the spiral to their own sides, A behind it and B in front, while the single circle pinches in two. Each returns to their own list and bag, the marks fade, and both look content.

A B Relational spiral, blocked Expectations and desires Less important Expectations and desires Less important Baggage Works on own baggage A Baggage Works on own baggage B After some time, the romantic stage ends as each person discovers theyhave different needs and desires. B wants space and freedom; A wantsconnection and togetherness. B runs, and A feels abandoned and chases. IfA gets discouraged and stops, B feels better and moves toward A. Awelcomes B with relief, B gets uncomfortable, and the cycle repeats. Each person begins differentiation: “I can be me, and you can be different.” Both become more whole in themselves and learn new skills: communication, self-soothing, confidence, self-esteem and boundaries. The relationship spiral is now open ended and growing. Each person has more capacity to be themselves and also to be in relationship.

Stage 5: Equality

Starts on the final frame of stage 4. The circles draw apart until a small gap opens between them, the figures become fuller bodies, the spiral grows and bridges the gap, and each person now carries their own thoughts, feelings, desires, words, actions and history. The same picture serves 5A (comfortable, but stalls) and 5B (too predictable, drift apart) with a different caption for each; only the onward branch leads to stage 6.

Less importantLess important Works on own baggage Responsible for own baggage. Works on own baggage Responsible for own baggage. Thoughts, feelings,desires, words,actions, historyThoughts, feelings,desires, words,actions, historyNot blamingeach otherEach person begins differentiation: “I can be me,and you can be different.” Both become more whole in themselvesand learn new skills: communication, self-soothing,confidence, self-esteem and boundaries.The relationship spiral is now open ended and growing.Each person has more capacity to be themselves and also to be in relationship.Each feels more whole: “I’m okay on my own.” They are together by choice,not need. There is much less blaming: each has the skills to takeresponsibility for their own baggage. The relationship is more peaceful,with less drama. Safety, trust and respect grow. However, the relationshipmay now lack polarity and excitement.

Stage 6: Skilled polarity

Starts on the final frame of stage 5. Each person crouches and sets their bag down on the ground, by choice. The lists fade. The two circles close in and their lines turn to dots (a small label names them: porous, flexible boundaries), then a larger dotted oval is drawn round both. The people become fully embodied (hair, clothes, shadow), turn a little toward each other, and each lifts the inner hand slightly. The spiral keeps growing until it is centred and runs out beyond the larger oval. The caption is longer than the canvas can carry, so it sits below as ordinary text, in three short paragraphs.

Less importantLess important Porous, flexible boundaries Responsible forown baggage. Responsible forown baggage. Thoughts, feelings,desires, words,actions, historyThoughts, feelings,desires, words,actions, historyNot blamingeach other

Both feel more whole, confident and okay in themselves. They are together by choice, not need. Each sees the other as a mirror of themselves. Each trusts the other to prioritize the wellbeing of both, and the relationship.

Boundaries are more porous and flexible. Love deepens to “I, thou”: seeing the inner beauty of the other, and helping each other to see it in themselves.

Gender roles for tasks can be flexible, but each person can also play a gender polarity role for passion when desired. This enhances excitement, sexual charge and relational magic.

Stage 7 and on: open-ended

Starts on the final frame of stage 6. The camera pulls back: the people, their circles and the dotted oval shrink toward the centre while the spiral keeps unwinding outward, past the oval and off the edges of the canvas. The two people become a small gold and sage seed at the centre, and the spiral grows out of it. After the pull-back this is the one stage that does not hold still: the spiral drifts slowly outward, a quarter turn at a time, so new turns keep emerging from the seed. With reduced motion switched on, it shows a still frame.

This stage is open ended: the relationship can keep expanding, and it can also contract. It still needs attention and care. But now both people are much better at seeing each other and lifting each other up.

Some partners are like bricks for each other, weighing each other down. Others are like balloons, lifting each other up. By now, both are balloons.

Arriving here does not mean staying here. From here the relationship can go forward, or back.

Your path